"When a grisly murder takes place at an insane asylum, the prime suspect calls himself God. After realizing that this man is actually his father, Lucifer struggles with his feelings towards him and tries to find the truth, all while trying to discover who the real killer is."
Dr. Linda and Lucifer are in session. She is worried about something Lucifer said in his last session - he wanted to send his mom home to Heaven, slam the gates behind her and let her and her Husband torture each other. Linda thinks that would probably be bad for humanity. Lucifer says they should probably be fine. This does not comfort her. Lucifer admits he hasn’t confided his plan to Maze, “As much as I love my little sex thug, Maze can do things she thinks are in my best interest that turn out to be disastrous and I can’t afford that.” Instead he is letting Maze concentrate on her new besty - Chloe.
Chloe, meanwhile, has has too much Maze, and finally has to tell her they’ve been hanging out a lot and maybe they need to expand their circle of friends. She then goes to work; the murder of an orderly in a mental hospital who was beaten to death with a backgammon board. Lucifer is delighted, he says that he loves the mentally ill. He is amused by people who believe they’re someone other than themselves, and he’s delighted to hear the person who discovered the body is God Johnson.
Dan fills them in on the patient who believes he is actually God. Chloe tells Lucifer they should have a lot to talk about. Lucifer is more than happy to have a talk with God, but Dan says he can’t without the hospital's permission. Lucifer, of course, ignores that and steps into see “God” while no one was paying attention. God (Timothy Omundson) greets him with, “Hello, my son.” Lucifer grants that would be the standard kind of greeting, then decides to fill this God in on his Father, “I can reveal the truth about the Supreme Being you've chosen to impersonate. I bet you wanted to be God because He's benevolent, all-powerful, yada yada. But in actual fact, He's a dick.” God tells Lucifer to go ahead and be mad at him if that's what he wants, but Lucifer is a bit taken aback when his mojo fails to work on Johnson, until he decides it must be because the man is on some “really amazing drugs.” When Lucifer is then discovered and starts to leave, Johnson says, “It was real good seeing you, Samael.” Lucifer, startled, turns around to look at God just as the light breaks through the window blinds, surrounding the man in light.
At the penthouse, Lucifer asks Amenadiel about the possibility of Dad visiting Earth. Amenadiel says He's never visited, God usually sends an emissary. Amenadiel says the man could have found the name Samael on the internet, but Lucifer says he never even introduced himself as Lucifer.
Back at the station, Ella wonders what if God is one of us, which prompts Chloe to recite lyrics from Joan Osborne’s “One of Us.” Lucifer assures them his Father would never ride a bus. Ella says she found God Johnson's fingerprints on the victim’s bald head. Lucifer happily latches on to the idea that God Johnson is the killer. The police, however, can’t interview Johnson since Lucifer broke the rules, and now it will take days to get through the paperwork for permission from the hospital. So Lucifer heads back to the hospital to check himself in. Once admitted, Lucifer takes a seat with a group of patients playing imaginary poker. He asks his fellow card players what they know about God Johnson, and one reveals Johnson performed a miracle, scored him an extra Jell-O. Lucifer decides he will get nothing from the poker buddies, declares he has a royal flush, and prompts an uproar.
Lucifer follows Johnson from the room and spots him holding a woman, “Aha! Of course, you're the murderer!” She falls to the floor and Johnson lays his hands on her, saying he has to save her. The wound on her neck miraculously heals. Lucifer is stunned. “It really is you...you son of a bitch!” he says before punching him in the face. When Chloe shows up, Lucifer is proud of himself for going undercover but Chloe’s not in a praising mood, “Why the hell would you get yourself committed?” He admits he’s doing this both to solve the crime and to take care of personal issues, assuring Chloe that God had the punch coming. Then Lucifer suggests that Johnson might actually be his father after all. Lucifer tells Chloe that God is not the killer because he personally saw God heal a woman who’d been attacked, and, she said Santa Claus is the real killer.
Chloe has a talk with the doctor on staff, Dr. Liam Garrity (Alimi Ballard) who awkwardly let her know he was available for any and all inquiries.
Lucifer goes to see God, and demands an apology, but Johnson says instead he'll forgive Lucifer for hitting him, than asks what he's done he might need to apologize for. Lucifer begins listing off all the offenses – casting him into Hell, manipulating the detective, “You are a patronizing, sinister, helicopter parent!” Every bad thing that’s happened throughout eternity is your doing, not mine!” When Lucifer brings up mum, God is shocked to hear she’s on Earth. Lucifer again demands an apology. Johnson says this Lucifer isn’t the Samael he remembers, “No, Dad, this is who you made me when you cast me away! Now apologize!” It was at that moment Linda arrive, defusing the situation.
At the station, Chloe wonders if Ella found any evidence pointing to Santa Claus, and strangely enough, Ella found a long white hair on the victim’s clothes. Chloe thumbs through a list of patients and spots one who could be mistaken for Santa. She gives Maze a call and takes her up on an offer to help set up the date with the doctor.
Back at the hospital, Linda is barely holding it together after Lucifer introduces her to his Father. Lucifer gathers the patients and tells them they’ve been selected to help him escape. When one patient protests, Lucifer tells them to think about what they really want to do and then sends each off to create havoc. They were the diversion, the real plan is waiting for the alarms and Linda. Lucifer and Johnson stroll through the chaos; feathers fly, laundry soaring through the air, and fires springing up, as they exit through the riot. While the staff race to get things under control, Lucifer and God are sprung by Linda.
Maze set up the date and at the last minute reveals they’ll be staying home. Amenediel also shows up, just before the doctor does. Chloe tries to keep the conversation going, but Amenadiel and Maze aren’t helping that much. Amenadiel speaks privately with Maze and confesses he’s there because they don’t have much time left on Earth because he, Lucifer, and Charlotte are going back to Heaven. Chloe and the doctor talk, in general, about his patients. When she asks about a man who looks like Santa, Dr. Garrity figures out there’s something going on. The date comes to an end when the doctor gets a text saying Lucifer and God just escaped.
Lucifer has closed Lux and he and Linda hide behind the bar as Charlotte approaches God Johnson, who calls her radiant. Linda incredulously asks Lucifer if he is trying to “Parent Trap” God. Lucifer thinks since it worked in the movie, it should work for his parents. If they fall in love again, they’ll eventually get back to torturing each other. Linda, however sees the wistful look on Lucifer's face, and it is telling. “Are you sure it’s revenge you’re after?” Lucifer replies without taking his eyes off his parents, “Of course it is. What else would it be?”
Just then, Chloe and two officers barge in to spoil the mood. God is taken away. Back at the hospital, Chloe demands to know what Lucifer was thinking. He tells her he believes God Johnson is his dad and he needed to “do a little match-making.” Chloe has no idea how Charlotte ties into all this as a nurse arrives with a tray of meds. Lucifer happily calls them a perk, and downs them all.
Chloe stops by the doctor’s office to apologize , and Dr. Garrity reveals 'Santa' isn’t dangerous. He allows her to look at the file which includes a Christmas photo of a man dressed as Santa Claus. The doctor says a different patient dresses up as Santa each year, and together they go check out the costume in a locked closet. Chloe can’t find the beard or the red hat. Chloe works on getting a fingerprint and it tracks to a Patricia Hightower. Dr. Garrity says a patient named Sue Hightower is the one who was just attacked. A picture of Patricia comes through and it’s Nurse Kipsey.
Back in Lucifer’s room, the drugs are kicking in, a person in the Santa hat and beard approaches from behind. Lucifer sees Santa but Santa easily knocks him out since Chloe is still near by. Lucifer awakens on a gurney being wheeled down the hall, and he tells Santa he’s the Devil. Santa replies Lucifer is just a man with delusions, and demands to know what Lucifer told the police. Johnson asks Nurse Kipsey (Laura Coover) why she wants to know. She takes off her disguise and says she has to kill them both since they know her identity. Nurse Kipsey explains she hated her abusive mother, and Lucifer tells her she is preaching to the choir, he says evil parents need to be destroyed, but then adds he’ll have to punish her because the orderly was innocent. God is a bit stunned that Lucifer wanted to destroy him, unaware that he had been so angry. Lucifer replies, “Really? 'Cause I've been pretty up-front about it.” Nurse Kipsey heads off to get a ladder to stage their deaths, and God tells Lucifer, “For what it's worth, I am sorry. I truly am. And I am proud of you, Samael. I am proud of the man you've become.”
Kipsey then returns and takes God's belt to hang him with, when it is removed, however, he returns to being Earl Johnson, with no memory of being God Johnson. Chloe then arrives and arrests Kipsey. Lucifer is still high, but realizes that the belt buckle is important - “the piece is here” and retrieves it. Back at the penthouse, Lucifer and Amenadiel attach the new piece to the blade, “Maybe this piece activated... Life. Healing. Gave him the power and knowledge of the divine.” Lucifer is ready to activate the blade when the new piece falls off it. Perhaps there is a third piece.
Lucifer says goodbye to Earl Johnson, asking what the last thing was he remembered. Johnson remembers walking through a Navajo gift shop and picking up a belt buckle, and then nothing until coming to on the gurney in the hospital. He then apologizes to Lucifer, saying he was told they argued. Lucifer admits, “For a brief moment, I thought you were my father. A man for whom I harbor a great deal of resentment. And you said some things that I think I wish he'd always said to me, so for that I thank you.” The shook hands and Johnson asks if Lucifer is no longer angry, “No, I'm not angry. I'm bloody furious. Becuse I realized that my father would never say those things to me. And for that... I hate him all the more.”
- "Can't Take My Eyes Off of You" - Emilie Mover
- The episode's title is first said by Dan but is said by others throughout the episode.
- What if God was "One of us" Is a 1995 song by Joan Osborne. It hit number 1 in Australia, Belgium, Canada and Sweden but only made #4 on the US Billboard Hot 100. Prince covered the song on his 1996 album Emancipation changing the phrase "just a slob like one of us" to "just a slave like one of us".